


Constant as the stars above

by museum_of_sadness



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Always Female Stiles Stilinski, Angst, F/M, Female Stiles Stilinski, packmom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:28:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23760838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/museum_of_sadness/pseuds/museum_of_sadness
Relationships: Derek Hale & Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

As the moon slowly rose, Stiles ushered the pack out.

„I'll be here when you return. I'm always here," her voice soothed the restless shifter. Isaac was still scared she'd suddenly disappear, like she did in his nightmares. She'd forget him, forget the pack, and all the love they had for each others.

„Listen to my heartbeat Isaac," she said as the pack gathered around them, „I'll always be here when you guys come back after the run. That will never change." Soft thuds of her heart filled the silence as all supernatural beings listened to it. They knew she'd be here, that she will be constant. Like sun rising every day, they could count on her.

But what if they couldn't? What would happen if she left?


	2. Chapter 2

„I'll miss you,“ Scott said to his best friend, while hugging her. „Shh, keep it down. It's not like it's gonna be forever. Just for a little while,“ he got in response, along with the smack at the back of his head.

As the pack left the house, Stiles, Lydia and Allison turned to go back in. Three girls would usually hang out and wait for the rest to come barging in around 4 am. Stiles turned to go into the kitchen, where she prepared a couple of dishes for the freezer.

„Remind us again, why are you doing that exactly? At least one person will be here to“, Lydia started but stopped in the middle of the sentence. Her eyes opened wide, as she recalled the incident of the poisoned pack from Boyd's pancakes and Isaac's orange juice. How they managed to screw that up, will forever remain a mystery. „Never mind, keep going“, Lydia muttered as she turned towards the living room.

Stiles chuckled as she portioned the food and put it into freezer. She knew that they will need it, especially now that she's leaving. She has to, she knows that. And Scott knows it. They can hangout on their own, and Isaac can wear a couple of her t-shirts that she left him. The will help him. Derek will have to manage. It's not like she will forever be the one that can barely take it all. And she can't lie to herself that bruises don't hurt. They do. Dear god, do they hurt. She had to find natural remedies to get rid of the pain, random plants and herbal teas. She couldn't take another pill, or her dad would think she's addicted.

„Girls, do you want pancakes? I've made some for the two of you to eat now!“ Allison and Lydia sat around the kitchen island as Stiles put pancakes in front of them. „Eat up, I have to get something from my Jeep.“ She knew this is immoral, but it had to be done. Those two wouldn't shut up for hours, and no matter how much she loved them, Stiles needed them asleep.

Carrying letter in the back pocket of her jeans, she entered the kitchen. Girls were already finished, and standing up to clean up after themselves. As if that would keep her here. „Is it marathon time?“, Allison asked, while putting away her plate. Hums and nods followed her question and the trio turned to the living room.

Thirty minutes later, Stiles turned the TV off and covered her two friends. „I'm sorry, and I love you. But I have to do this, please don't be too mad“, she whispered as she left a letter on the coffee table. Sneaking upstairs, she went to Isaac's room. Slightly messy, with clothes and books scattered around, she left him a backpack with her t-shirts in it, in case he feels lonely or scared. She knew she'd hurt him, but she was in much more pain. Couple of tears fell on his pillow as she made the bed and left his letter on the nightstand.

Next was the big bad wolf, the alpha, her… Boyfriend? Lover? Maybe. He'd probably use some other word, or just get her naked and do his part. He could be gentle, but that was getting rare nowadays. The relationship turned sour lately, for it was all about sex. Like it was all Derek wanted. And she went with it, mostly because she loved him. Smells could be covered up with a little bit of magic from the _Big Wonderful Book of Spells._ It had another name, but Stiles used this one. After all, she was the only one using the book.

She got in Derek's room and sat on the bed. Fiddling with the letter, she was thinking if she was doing the right thing. But then again, after all the fights, mindless sex and feeling used she left the letter on his bed, along with his house keys. Stiles knew that this was it.

***

Stiles spent two hours just in the shower. If she was going to leave them, she has to be completely clean in order to start a new chapter. As she was leaving the shower, glass breaking downstairs grabbed her attention. She knew that he father wasn't supposed to be home yet, so she put on jeans and a sweatshirt, grabbed her bat and sneaked down.

„Hello? Is anybody there?“

Silence filled the house, as she slowly made her way down. As the back door opened, she ran there to see a silhouette running towards the woods. The clock read 3:30 am so she left, knowing that the pack should be on their way home. Stiles went after the man, not realizing she was being followed. While following him deeper into the woods, she heard howling. Deep down, she knew it was Derek leading, with the rest of them following.

Stiles looked around, and turned to go home. There was no point in following anyone anymore, and she could se her father parking the car. The sheriff notices his daughter and as he opened his mouth to scream, Stiles got hit in the head. She fell, still hearing the howls, begging for her memory to just take them away.


	3. Chapter 3

Pack came back to a silent house, light on in the living room, and two soft heartbeats coming from there. Their noses scrunched in disgust as they approached the living room, and when they saw Lydia and Allison it was clear why.

„Jesus, who did this?! Where is Stiles?!“, came from several werewolves. As they started looking for her, Scott called them all in, waking up two sleeping girls in the process.

„Stiles left the pack, she's done with us. Here, it's all in there,“ he explained handing the letter to their alpha. As Derek was still processing his words, Peter took the letter from Scott and started reading out loud.

_ „Hey guys, I just thought this would be the easiest way to do this. This letter is for the whole pack, so whoever is reading it, please do it out loud. And be clear! If it's Boyd or Jackson, give it to someone else, either one of you would just skim through, not doing it properly. Give it to Lydia, she's loud. Or Peter. He's dramatic, and he could make a show of it. _

_ Speaking of Lydia, I just want to apologize to her and Allison. I'm sorry I drugged you, but I needed to leave as soon as possible. _

_ I've been dwelling over this for a few weeks now, and it's not an easy decision. I love you all, and you have changed my life in good and bad ways, and for most of it I will always be grateful. You have all taught me so much, helped me grow and guided me in ways you couldn't understand. You helped me realise my own value. Except, you never saw it. _

_ Lately you have been taking everything I do for granted. Nothing I do is ever good enough, no matter what I do there is always someone complaining. I loved taking care of you, but this spoilt pack is not who I've learned to love. _

_ Besides that, you always ignored me, leaving me alone in the middle of research, not calling if I wouldn't show up to meetings. Spolier alert: I was in hospital most of time, exhausted and on the verge of passing out. It felt like I had no friends, only bosses. _

_ The thing that ended it all was my mom's death anniversary. I told you all I needed that day for myself, and I explained it all, but you all still got mad when I didn't help you with whatever you needed that day. Only support I got was from Peter and Scott. And I know that Derek left those flowers, even though he'd never admit it. _

_ I'm sorry if you find this selfish, but I need to do it. I'm not 'breaking up' with the pack, if you want me I'll be back, I just need sometime to myself. I need to spend sometime with my dad, and on my own. I have to figure out who I am on my own before college. We're gonna be separated then. I'm not planning on following anyone anywhere, and I'm sure not one person is crazy enough to go to Quantico with me. _

_ I've left you a couple of frozen meals in the freezer, and I also left you detailed cookbook with all your favourite meals, as well as some healthy options and ideas. Follow them word-for-word. And don't let Isaac or Boyd do anything on their own. THEY HAVE TO BE SUPERVISED!!! _

_ I love you, take care of each other, and make sure there are always at least two boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Derek loves them but it is another thing he'll never admit. _

_ And don't blame anything on anyone. This was a team work, like everything pack does. _

__

_ All my love, _

_ Stiles _

_ p.s. Scott knows everything. Anything you want to ask, ask him. Please give me space.“ _

Pack was speechless, and they all tried to hide their tears, but the smell of sadness filled the room.

Isaac quickly went upstairs, and slammed his bedroom door behind him. Once in his room, he saw a backpack and a letter with his name on top. It all had her scent. Shaky hand picked up the letter, and slowly opened it. A couple of minutes passed as he tried to calm down just enough to read.

_ „Hi baby boy, I'm guessing you found your letter. This is for you only, but if you want to, you can talk to Scott or Derek about it. I know you trust them most, after me. _

_ I'm sorry I'm doing this, and I'm sorry I'm breaking my promise, but I'm not okay. And I need a break. _

_ I hope that you will forgive me for doing this one day. _

_ I love you my little star, _

_ Stiles _

_ p.s. that backpack is full of t-shirts for you. If you ever have a nightmare put one on. You always said my scent helps you.“ _

He wept while crawling to reach the backpack. It smelled like Stiles was there when he opened it. With his face in backpack, Isaac sobbed.

Meanwhile, Derek couldn't move. He still didn't believe she left. Were they really this awful to her? What about him? He knows he's been stressed lately, they all have, but was his love not enough to keep her here? He followed in Isaac's steps, trying not to break down in front of the pack. He could barely smell her in the house, but passing by Isaac's room, it was like she was in there. Derek felt tears running down his face as he stood in front of his beta's doors, listening to his sobs. This was breaking Isaac, and he needs to be there for him, but not now. Now he needs to be alone.

What he didn't expect was a letter on his bed being held down by all the keys he gave her, in case she needed something from the house, and he wasn't here. Her scent lingered in the air, and Derek didn't know how to feel. His body ached for her as he picked up the letter.

_ „I'm not gonna lie, this is hard. Harder than anything I've ever done. And you know what hard and dumb and difficult thins I've done. _

_ I had to write to you because I can't look at you, and there are two reasons why. One, I'm mad at you, and I can't look at you without feeling used. Two, I'm so in love with you that just by looking at you I'd follow you through fire just to be near you, and I'd stay. _

_ Leaving the pack (temporarily or not) means leaving you. _

_ You made it so easy though, and that's why I'm mad. You made me feel used, like a whore. Our relationship was an oasis of happiness in our twisted little world, and I've never been that happy before. But lately, all you ever do is get me naked, do the deed and go away. No emotions, nothing. I felt like a blow-up doll, or a piece of cloth for you to cum in. If you wanted this to be strictly sexual, you should've told me before. _

_ There are many things that I want to say, but it's almost 4 am, and you're actually sleeping next to me, so I'll just stop here. Because it's all confusing. And it hurts. _

_ But take care of yourself, and be nice to pups. Talk to Peter, he needs someone. And let Isaac sneak in your bed when he has a nightmare. Hug them more often, and don't be to harsh. _

_ I love you Derek, and I already miss you, _

_ Stiles“ _

This letter was enough to make Derek see red. He stormed down, already shifting halfway, and ran out the back door shifting into an actual wolf. He ran until he thought he was far enough, and howled for her. With Stiles in his mind, he kept howling, longer than he should've, and he wasn't alone. Pack was there, with him, mourning the loss of the one that kep them alive. Derek lost his anchor, his second moon, the one that kept him on edge and safe. The rest of the pack mourned their friend, the one that always saved them, pushed them, made them better, helped whenever the needed it.

They howled together for Stiles, not knowing that she was on the other side of the forest, fighting to stay alive.


	4. Chapter 4

Pain was all she felt, and after that – nothing. Just darkness. Something empty. It was boring, so she started thinking. But there was nothing much happening either. Just her dad, her best friend and her Jeep. Is that really all she had? There has to be more.

*

A week later, Stiles woke up. Lights were off, and certain little sounds were being made. She looked around, too tired to move any limb. Just her eyes and head that’s all she could move. Someone is sleeping on the couch, and there is a clock, but it’s too dark for her.

Grunts and moans of pain filled the room as she tried to get up. She, of course, failed. Instead of trying again, Stiles fell back asleep, assuring herself she’ll find out everything after a nap.

Said nap lasted for about 12 hours. Now, she was awaken by sounds. A lot of them, lot more than there were last night. Struggling to open her eyes, she quickly shut them. It was too bright for her.

“Stiles? I’m doctor Rosenbloom. Can you hear me?”

She slowly opened her eyes to find said doctor. With croaky voice, she half-whispered: “Yes. I can hear you.”

“That’s great,” he smiled at her and looked at the chart. “Now, I’m not sure if this is a mistake or a typo, or your actual name, but can you tell me your full name please?”

Someone laughed on the side as Stiles looked at the doctor. “It’s not a typo, or a mistake,” she said. “It’s Mieczysława Stilinski.”

“Okay then. When were you born?” “April 8th 1994.”

“Do you know where you are right now?” “Hospital.”

“Do you remember what happened?” “I heard something, and I followed someone outside. Couldn’t find them so I went back home. I think someone hit me. I woke up last night, someone was asleep on the couch. I fell back asleep.”

“That’s very good Stiles, thank you. Now, do you know who this man is?” “That’s my dad. Sheriff.”

“Good. Now, I don’t know anyone else, but after the nurse finishes taking your vitals, you’ll talk to your friends and we’ll check if anything is damaged, neurologically speaking.”

Stiles was okay with that. That meant she’d soon figure out who all the strangers in the room are. She was obedient and calm while the nurse did her job. Stiles had no idea what was going on at what moment, but she was impressed with how it was all so professional and quick. Couple of minutes later, nurse stepped back and a strange man stepped forward.

“Stiles, can we talk about the letter?”

She was confused. What letter? Who is this man? What is he doing here? Do I know him? Are we friends?

“What letter? Who even are you? I don’t know you,” came from her. She thought that would satisfy, but gasps around the room, and hurt over the man’s face proved her wrong.

Someone behind him shuffled forward and whispered: “Sti, do.. Do you remember me?”

Silence and confusion over her face were answering for her. Many people seemed troubled by this, and Stiles was confused. Why are they sad? Is it sadness, or something else?

“I’m sorry, but do I know any of you?”

More tears were spilled as the first man nodded. “We’re important to you. And you’re very important to us. You keep us alive.”

This just made Stiles feel bad. She started breathing erratically and her eyes welled up.

“I think it’s time you all leave. She needs to rest, and we can continue with this later. Let’s not make her worse, okay guys,” doctor spoke as he pointed to the door.

Many of the stranger went for a hug, but the first man stopped them. Her father kissed her head and left the room, and that man was the only one left, along with the doctor and the nurse. He kept looking at Stiles in a way that broke her heart, and she didn’t know how to respond.

“What’s your name? You all know me, but I can’t remember you. So, what’s your name?”

He smiled sadly, reaching out to shake her hand. “I’m Derek. Derek Hale.”

“Nice to meet you. Although, you know me, and apparently I know you, so that not good choice of word. Um, I’m Stiles,” she reached out to him, freezing in the moment as smile suddenly vanished. “And you know that, I’m sorry. I didn’t really think.” “It’s okay, don’t worry,” Derek stated, “we’ll talk about everything later. Sleep now, ho-. Sleep well Stiles.” With those words, he left.

Nurse tucked Stiles in, and left the room. Slowly, Stiles fell back asleep, with Derek on her mind.

Outside her room, ‘strangers’ gathered. Many questions were flying around, but as the doctor closed the door, he explained.

“There is a possibility Stiles has amnesia. It could be transient global amnesia, but she knows her full, complicate name,” he looked at the sheriff, “Honestly, why did you give her that name?” “It was her mother’s idea, to name Stiles after her father. And since Stiles couldn’t pronounce it, she kept saying ‘mischief’, we started calling her that. Later on, we nicknamed her Stiles, after my father’s nickname.”

“Wow, well that’s.. that’s something. Anyway, like I said, it’s not transient global amnesia since she know who she is, and who her father is. But there is something. She doesn’t remember any of you, which could be the brain protecting itself. Maybe something traumatic happened with all of you, or something.”

“Could that trauma be a fight,” Scott asked, “or the fact that she felt used and she wanted to leave everyone to get to know herself again?”

More guilt covered everyone’s faces, while doctor thought. “It could be, but we can’t be 100% sure. Brain is still unknown organ, and mysterious. We will just have to wait and see.” With that he left, while the group scattered around.

“Kids, I think you should go home. She’s.. well she’s somewhat fine. And we’ll figure out what to do next later. Go and get some sleep,” sheriff spoke to the group, as they gathered their things and left the hospital. He quickly got his phone out, and sent a text to Derek: **You can sleep in her bed, if you want. I know about the two of you, and I know you slept in her hospital room last night. If you miss her scent, house is yours. I’ll be at work anyway- Sheriff.**

Minutes later, Derek answered him: **thank you, it means a lot.**

*

_“Come one, we’re almost there,” Stiles said. She looked behind her as Derek smiled sweetly and followed her. From what she could gather, they were walking up to the spot her mother used to take her. Everything about Derek was familiar. His simile, his voice, his hand in hers. Like it was always like that._

_By the lake, they were lying on the blanket, as Derek played with her hair. Sweet kisses ere not something she expected, but she loved it. Stiles sat up to grab strawberries, and once she turned back, instead of Derek, she saw a black wolf. They both just sat there, looking at each other. It felt nice, and Stiles didn’t want this to end._


	5. Chapter 5

Stiles was still confused about that dream a week later. She told no one yet, and wasn’t sure she wanted to; telling strangers that you dreamt of one of them as a wolf was not what she wanted them to know.

Still stuck in the hospital, Stiles turned to her homework and journaling – two things she could somewhat confidentially do right now. Homework was a piece of cake, with Lydia’s notes, but journaling was taking her brain to memories she wasn’t sure were real. Strange new dreams would appear almost every time she fell asleep, and it was always that guy, and some new people being humans at first, and the suddenly turning to wolves. She decided to keep quiet: they’d keep her here much longer if she told this to anyone.

*

On the other part of the town Derek and the pack were together for the first time since the hospital visit. Heavy, metallic smell filled the room, so strong even humans could feel something was going on. Not one sound came from anyone – even breathing was barely heard.

“So, what now?”, Jackson spoke up. Turning of heads and scratching chins didn’t give anyone an answer, but they couldn’t take her of their minds. “Do we still talk to her? Are we going to help her remember us?”, he continued while looking at Scott. He stood by the bookshelf, looking at her favourite books and trying to picture Stiles there. What would she do? How would she act in this situation? The ever-present question burdened them all: ‘What would Stiles do?’

“Maybe we should leave her alone. It’s what she wanted, why she left us. We should-” Isaac stopped to breathe in: “we should respect her wishes.”

Loud voices boomed as pack started arguing. Half of them agreed with Isaac an wanted to leave Stiles alone, while the other half wanted to be with her and help her remember everything, and at the same time apologise for what they put her through. Menawhile, Derek was silent. Broken from what he did to her, Derek barely lived. Peter and Scott forced him to eat when he passed out, and sheriff would silently cover him with a blanket on the pile of Stiles’ clothes. None dared to judge him, as everyone could see the grief in his eyes.

After a while, Derek could feel the eyes of the pack on him, as if they wanted him to make the decision. It took him five whole minutes to agree with Isaac.

“She wanted to be left alone, so we will give her what she needs,” he spoke with a quiet, broken voice. As pack prepared to voice their disagreements, Derek continued: “Scott will be by her side, as her best friend. Lydia and Allison will be around, as she was somewhat friends with them before all of this. But the rest of us will stay away.”

With that Derek went upstairs, Isaac following closely behind him.

*

As the wind played with the curtains, Stiles was tossing around the hospital bed. Nightmares were getting worse each time she slept, and she was still too afraid to tell anyone.

_Five figures walked through the halls looking for someone, someone in particular. Metallic smell of blood followed them as they went from classroom to classroom leaving no witnesses alive._

_“Come out guys, the game is not fun if you’re hiding from me all the time. Come and play for a while, it’ll be fine, I promise,” the one leading them spoke up._

_The electricity buzz the fox was emitting assured them they were going in the right direction. In the last classroom, they found wolves, foxes and humans together, believing they could win this fight._

_“You don’t have to do this Stiles, please. You can fight this, **we** can fight it together,” Scott pleaded se his best friends approached him. _

_“You see, we could.” Stiles said as she took the katana in her hands: “but I don’t want to. I’ve got everything I need now, and I never want to be weak again.” With that, stiles stabbed Scott and vanished into thin air._

Somewhere between dreams and reality, Stiles heard Scott pleading while someone screamed, but she also heard machines going crazy and panic in strangers voices. What is going on?


End file.
